Potato Fries

you have the freedom to call them French fries

A frog walks into a restaurant in New York sits himself at the bar and asks the bartender for bowl of french fries.

Everyone was quite surprised, for nobody had seen a frog in this establishment before.

The bartender looked the frog up and down before calmly telling him that, unfortunately, he is unable to serve him any “french fries”.

The frog explodes in anger, loudly shouting:

“Alors!! What is the matter with you?!! Have you never seen a Frenchman before? I guess you only will take my order if I call it the “freedom fries” ah?

The entire establishment fell into a hush. Although taken aback, the bartender quickly composed himself and calmly responded:

“I am sorry sir, but I dont know what “freedom fries” even are. I cannot serve you your fries because the money on the counter are Euros and this establishment only accepts US dollars. Dont you have a credit card?”

Our dear Frenchman was taken aback, deeply embarrassed at his mistake he stared down at the floor whilst shaking his head.

“Well then”, the bartender continued. “Perhaps you should leave and instead come back once you have consulted with your miss piggy bank”.

Leaving the bar later that night in the early hours, I reflected on the fact that in France, “French Fries” have only ever been called “Potato Fries”. It is somewhat amusing that the insult intended by renaming “French Fries” to “Freedom Fries” went entirely unnoticed across the whole of France¹.

But this rebranding did achieve one thing though, and it was no small feat either. It actually resulted in the permanent renaming of French Fries to Freedom Fries in this household, thus making it the only actual documented achievement from over 20 years of a war on the terror.

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Whatever you call them in those caves where you dwell, this is how I typically make them. Of course we are all familiar with the method by now of chopping your potatoes in equal size chips (ideally just under 1cm thick), rinsing in cold water for at least 30 minutes to remove excess starch, part-boiling the potatoes and then drying them fully, before tossing in oil and a pinch of salt (duck fat is the very best) before finally frying on an oven tray for around 45 minutes at 200C fan…..but late one night I happened to watch several videos on how to obtain the very best pork crackling. One of the steps involved the application of a tiny amount of vodka to the fat and it got me thinking….what would happen if we did that to chips?

The answer is a crispy fluffy result which - in my mind - is far superior. But it does involve squandering a splash of vodka on your chips….so I realise that is a hard sell.

Ingredients & Method (3 potatoes per person)

• chop your potatoes into slices just under 1 cm thick.

• Rinse in cold water

• In a mason jar, add sprig of timian and rosemary and a clove of garlic (peeled).

• Add a shot of vodka, a tablespoon of salt and fill the jar with your potatoes. Fill the jar with water (around a litre) and then cover and set in the fridge for 5-6 days (turn the jar upside down and back every day).

• To cook, strain the water and set the potatoes in the fridge (this will quickly dry them out).

• Toss in fat and place evenly on a baking tray with baking paper and then bake for around 45 minutes at 200C fan (will depend on potato size).

• You might be thinking this seems like a lot of work, but really it only takes 5 minutes of planning and effort.

1. Like most feuds, nobody can today remember the origin of the intended insult, but it must have been something important, perhaps something to do with cheese?